And so it begins…

I block it out every year. Every year is the same, and yet I never remember until the last minute. Perhaps that is a gift from above, or perhaps it is simply my futile attempt to erase the problem. Whatever the reason, I had forgotten, until today, the misery of Christmas Day in my home.

I spent a few hours this afternoon wrapping presents. Not that there were a lot, mind you – simply that I like to make them look nice and, being a perfectionist, that can take a while. So I wrapped the dozen or so gifts in a few hours and brought them down to put on the shelves where they will reside until the children are in bed on Christmas Eve. The gifts, of course, vary in size. Cambria happens to have a rather large box from one set of grandparents. One of the gifts I had wrapped was for Isaac, and was of a moderate size. And so began the pouting. Erica is sure that everyone else’s gifts will be better than hers, because hers is not the biggest.

I had forgotten what a disappointment Christmas is to her every year, and how she melts down about half-way through unwrapping the presents. How we have a screaming banshee for the last half (at least) of Christmas. How everything is “unfair” because everyone’s presents are better than hers, or someone got more than she did, or the one gift that she REALLY wanted wasn’t given to her. I realized this afternoon that it is coming, and I am trying to steel myself for the inevitable.

I pray that this year, I can be a comfort to her. That she will know that I love her, and that things don’t matter. That she will understand that Christmas is about love and service and most of all about the birth of the Savior. We will forgo the large family get-together on Christmas Eve this year in favor of calm and quiet in hopes of communicating to our children the true meaning of Christmas. But I know that, no matter what I do, the meltdown is coming. And so, most of all, I hope I can make it through without shedding too many tears.

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1 Response to And so it begins…

  1. Lori Larsen says:

    I’m praying for you all. I think staying home on Christmas Eve is probably a wise decision. I hope that the rest of the large family attending the family gathering will understand and be supportive. I’m glad you’re blogging about these things. You need to let it out, and others need to have an insight. I think this will be a great thing for a great many people. I love you SO much.

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