It has been so long since I’ve posted. So much has happened – much more than I have time to write about. But for now, I wanted to take just a little bit of time and share with you some of the things that have brought me joy.

I’ve found a wonderful group of women who have allowed me to join them and do yoga once or twice a week. Dare I say? I believe I’ve found some friends. That brings me a great amount of joy. It is so hard to be friendless. I make acquaintances easily, but I have a hard time making fast friends. I’m too quiet and shy and sometimes I think it must come across as snobbish or aloof or something – who knows. So for these women to allow me to come and hang out with them, be stretchy and unbalanced and sweaty, and then for them to share some really deep feelings with me has been huge. I’m so grateful for them.

Things with the kids have been up and down but we are making some real progress with Isaac right now. He has had some pretty difficult bowel problems for years and we were finally able to find a place that has been able to help him. He’s working so hard and is so proud of himself for the progress he has made, and so am I. He has a whole host of medication he has to take and, though he really dislikes it, he does a good job of taking it. He has lots of different exercises he’s got to do and we do a lot of recording. All in all, for a 6-year-old he is doing splendidly with all of this. I am so thankful to have this finally looking up.

I did manage to get the Christmas decorations up this year. They look good, which is an added bonus. I was concerned I wouldn’t have the time – things really have been insane – but they are up, and even without snow outside it still feels festive and Christmas-like in our house.

Erica has started talking to me. She and I give each other assignments and we write reports for the other to read. I am amazed by how well she writes and how insightful she is. She has opened up and told me a little about her feelings and what bothers her and what she feels and why, and it has begun a new chapter for us. I don’t know how long she will be willing to accept my assignments, but for now, I’m extremely thankful.

There are so many things in my life that are difficult. I have spent the last month or two feeling hugely overwhelmed and, on some days, very hopeless. I think it is important to remember that in spite of all the difficulty, and sometimes even because of it, there is still so much to be grateful for. This post isn’t for you – this post is for me. And if you can take a little perspective from it, then that will bring me a little more joy.

Christmas is not about rushing and stressing and trying to make it from one pressing engagement to the next. I lose myself in that too easily. But today I wanted to take a few minutes to be reminded of WHY I do what I do every day, and especially right now. Christ is the reason. Christ is why I love my children and press on even though I often feel there will never be resolution or calmness or peace. Christ is why I don’t give up. Christ is the reason for my joy and my peace and my happiness. Without Christ, life has no meaning. And so for today, I am thankful for the joy that Christ brings to my life. For the perspective the gospel of Jesus Christ has brought me. For the love Christ shows to ME, an infinitely imperfect daughter of God. For the love Christ has for my children. And for the blessing of the Atonement. For these reasons, I have joy.

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2 Responses to Joy

  1. Lori Larsen says:

    I had a thought: if you are giving Erica assignments, and she is giving them to you, I wonder if it might be good to save all those. There might be a purpose for them at the end of this tunnel. A book, perhaps. Or a different sort of blog. I’m sure that part of the reason you are on this path is to help others who will have similar difficulties. Hold on to those!

    I’m so so happy to hear that you have found friends. It has been devastating to be so far away and not be there to help you. Friends make all the difference. Please give each and every one of them my love.

    Christmas has been absolutely remarkable for me this year. Not every moment has been fabulous, but the overall feeling has been one of peace and calm and a true sense of the majesty of Christ. How eternally grateful I am to have the knowledge of his love for me. I am truly blessed. I love you!

  2. Stephanieeeeeee says:

    You don’t know how happy this makes me! I totally relate. I’ve lived here for eight years, and it was only a couple of years ago that this wonderful group of women took me in. It has been such a blessing. And now, I consider YOU to be one of those women. Thank you for reminding me to find joy in my life.

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