Times like right now, I ask myself why I bother. Why do I even try? What is the point? Is there any hope of things EVER looking up? The frustration boils up inside me and I start to feel that all my work has been in vain. That never will it be pleasant and calm and inviting to the Spirit in my home.
Deep breaths. Breathe in and hold. Blow out. Calming thoughts.
The Lord knows all my trials, and He is aware of the feelings of despair and hopelessness that overwhelm me at times like this. The Lord knows EXACTLY how I am feeling at this moment, and how it makes me want to crawl in my bed and hide forever, and pretend that the world doesn’t exist. He knows how my heart hurts and He knows how inadequate I am feeling.
I am not alone. Though this feels so very overwhelming, and though I feel like I live a life of constant distress and upheaval, I am not traveling this road on my own. And so my prayers will be a little longer tonight, and my eyes will be a little puffier, and my heart will be a little more fractured, but I will remember that I am being watched over. That this trial will serve a purpose. That somehow, a blessing will come because of my willingness and obedience to keep on going. And I will not give up. Tonight is not the night for that.