It has, hasn’t it? But things are plugging along. And the sky is a bit brighter, and my world is a little bigger, and smiles come a little more often. No, things are not perfect, but life has improved drastically over the last few months. There is something about the right dosage of medication that has really improved my quality of life, but even more helpful has been my weekly therapy sessions. The two combined have given me a chance to step back, stop taking every little thing quite so seriously, and learn to relax a bit (especially on the small stuff – I never knew there actually *was* small stuff until very recently).
I saw my doctor for a medication increase about two weeks ago, and verbalized for the first time in my remembrance that I actually think maybe I like being a mom and being around my kids. That maybe my life isn’t endless drudgery. I am finding small joys in each day, and for the first time I’ve stopped expecting perfection from myself and everyone around me. This has left me free to love, smile, help, and understand in ways I’ve never done before. And it has given me a chance to really experience life.
Things aren’t all roses. Certainly not. It just doesn’t work that way. I’m not so medicated that I don’t feel the lows and get down in the dumps from time to time (nor do I want to be – it’s difficult to feel good when you can’t remember what it’s like to feel bad). There have been tragic things happening around me and I’ve been feeling the effects. But thankfully the depression isn’t constant, and it isn’t numbing or disabling now. The downs come but they also GO, and that has made a world of difference in my life and my experiences.
As the summer draws to a close, I look back at myself and my life and I’m so grateful for the things that have led me to where I am now. There are so many people who have brought much-needed perspective and clarity to my life. So many experiences that have changed my perceptions of life and happiness. It has been a dark year, but there have been so many bright and shining moments that I can’t look back and wish for it to be any different.
Thanks to all who have stood by me and supported me, especially lately. All is not well, but at least the worst appears to be past for now. And that, my friends, is something to celebrate.