So our church had a party the other night – a Trunk-or-Treat/Chili Cook-off. Needless to say we took the kids, who enjoyed the candy immensely (except the baby who has yet to taste candy), and we also took some chili. I don’t normally get into competitions, but when it comes to food, well, sometimes I just can’t help it. You see, there were three categories of competition: Spiciest, Most Original, and Best Overall. I’m proud to say I’m the winner of the Spiciest chili (which won’t surprise those who know me well because they know that Spice and I are rather close). Several people asked what went into my chili. (It was a 27-ingredient chili, after all – thanks to a friend from my past for the recipe.) And to summarize why I won, let me just say that the two key ingredients were a can of jalapenos and a 12 oz bottle of Asian chili sauce (labeled "hot" – and they really mean it when they say that). The rest of the ingredients don’t really matter, because you can’t really taste them around all the spice. (Of course if you’re a little less inclined to lose all your taste buds in a matter of seconds you could tone it down by using green chilies (what the recipe actually called for) and something other than HOT chili sauce. But really, why would you want to do that? I mean, where’s the fun in that? Don’t you enjoy feeling your eyelids sweat and your ears burn and the back of your throat on fire? Ok – maybe that’s just me…)
More than half of the chili was eaten at the party (or thrown away by poor unsuspecting spice-wimps) so I unfortunately ended up with only a little to bring home and eat myself (no other member of my family even wants to smell my chili, let alone be in the same room with it, which is just fine with me). I suppose I could just open up another can of jalapenos and toss a few on every meal… But I settle for some Asian chili sauce on my tacos (as a courtesy to my still-breast-feeding baby). I’m sure by the time I reach 35 all my taste buds will be dead to any real taste, which I think probably wouldn’t be all that bad – if I couldn’t taste my food maybe I’d eat less, which would solve my exercise and weight problems as well!
Should you feel adventurous enough to try my chili, I’ll make it easy on you (since making a chili with 27 ingredients isn’t exactly a fast process and since I ate all of mine and I wouldn’t have shared anyway even if you had asked me to). Go to the store and buy some chili sauce – the hottest you can find – and take it home. Sit down with a tall glass of milk and the chili sauce. Tip your head back, open your mouth, and dump some of that stuff down. Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! (And then put out the fire with a few glasses of milk. Or a few hundred.)
