Little Bits of Life…

Every year I get spring fever. It typically starts around the middle of February, when I’ve had about all I can stand of the snow and brown, dead landscapes. And so about mid-February I start feeling the itch to grow a garden. I’m roaring and ready to go with a truck-load of seeds by the time the ground is warm enough to work, and so out to the garden I go. And the planting begins, and it goes great! One afternoon of tilling and planting all my seeds in the ground, and I’m all set to see stuff come up. And then, life hits me, reality sets in, and before I know it the truck-load of seeds has turned into a jungle mess of plants, weeds, and bugs. And I do all I can to avoid looking at the jungle, because then I feel guilty for not taking better care of it. But really, who wants to spend all their free time weeding? Or canning all those extra green beans and tomatoes that grew? (Who knew you could grow enough food for an army if you dump out that whole seed packet in the garden? Or that one tomato plant could produce a whole swimming-pool full of tomatoes?) I have spent more time than I care to admit pulling weeds, in the dark (mainly because I hate the heat, get sunburns in the shade, and get heatstroke in 90 degree weather so I weed after the sun goes down), which may explain what happened to my carrot crop two years ago… (pretty sure I pulled them all up thinking they were weeds). And countless nights washing, cooking, and canning my fresh produce. Little do I remember, each February through May, what I got myself into last year. And so, of course, I get myself into the same predicament year after year. By the time the growing season is over and the weeds stop taking over my garden plot, I’m filled with such tremendous relief that I just KNOW I won’t be planting a garden next year.

Hah. Never works out that way. Sort of like having kids – about the time those little guys are 2 1/2, I think to myself "I’m never doing this again!" And then, somehow, I forget. And another one comes along and I think "Oh – so cute and so sweet and so precious!" And of course, I’m in for it again in about 2 1/2 years. So the cycle goes.

But this year, I got wise. I (again – typical Christine fashion here) got a book and read about how to grow a garden without all the horrible work and drain and mess that I’ve previously gotten myself into, and off we went. The book is called The All New Square Foot Gardening and it is a great book describing how to grow a garden in much less space and with much less upkeep and much less wasted food, time, and energy. (Check out their website here.) The claim is that you can grow as much food in a 4’x4′ square foot garden as you could grow in an 8’x10′ traditional row garden. Saves space, saves water, saves weeding, saves your energy, and it looks about a zillion times better. I was impressed, to say the least. And enthralled. And it was great because there’s a fair amount of setup required (well, if you’re going to get into it as much as I planned to there is anyway) and it was the beginning of the year when my spring fever hits and I have ambition enough to tackle a big project. And of course Kimball is always up for my projects if it means he gets to use power tools, so I managed to convince him this was the way to go as well. 🙂

So after much setup and preparation, we now have a thriving Square Foot Garden. And I’m pleased to say I have so far, in the nearly 4 weeks my garden has been growing, pulled a total of 2 weeds. I’ve staggered my plantings so everything won’t be ready to harvest at the same exact moment which means fresh produce for me continuously instead of trying to find a place to keep it good while we eat only carrots and lettuce and tomatoes three meals a day all summer long. I’ve also got so much food growing that I’m hopeful to be able to skip produce department at the store pretty much every week (except for fruit, I guess, though I am growing watermelon and cantaloupe). Saves me a fair amount on groceries as well as giving my family something healthy to eat and a wonderful hobby to do together. The kids each have their own gardens that they check on frequently. Even the baby has her own garden, though we didn’t plant anything in it for her this year – she just has a square foot of dirt to dig in.

Anyway, if you’re looking for a good way to garden, I’d recommend this book. It’s really not expensive or hard unless you want to put all the frills and bells and whistles on. You can do a 4’x4′ Square Foot Garden for very little money, and it’ll be the best garden you’ve planted – I know mine is. And lest you think it’s too late to start this year, never fear. There’s always something that can be planted, as long as you’re in a growing season. And if you’re not, then get your boxes ready, get your dirt rounded up, and you’ll be way ahead when the spring comes!

My family has started asking me for a list of what I want for my birthday this year. I guess it’s about time I oblige with the following list:

pink purse

black purse

ballroom dance lessons, complete with dance partner and babysitter

dance dance revolution, preferably with program that will allow continuous songs instead of stopping between each one

organ prelude music (Easy Organ Hymn Settings, Three-Stave Hymn Accompaniments)

organ shoes, 7 1/2 wide, bone color

hair stuff – flowers (Tiffany Reeder sells lots), headbands, etc

brown tall shoes, not boots

brown dress shoes, high heels, straps, pointed toes

pull down spice rack for under the cabinet

the set game

family room bookshelves finished

Pampered Chef stuff (that’s this whole other list)

So I’ve been working hard on losing weight for the past 9 months or so. I’ve been doing a lot of exercise (90-100 minutes a day, aerobic (an aerobics video along with some stationary bike riding) and a little muscle toning/strengthening), being more careful about what I’m eating, drinking enough water, and recognizing that while I may not feel full when I’m finished eating, the main problem with that is that I eat super fast: I can be done with a meal in less than 5 minutes (a habit I picked up in junior high where there’s little to no time to eat once you’ve been standing in the lunch line for the whole lunch period. It has served me well as a mother because it means I still get to eat in spite of the disasters that happen at every meal courtesy of my baby or toddler) – and 5 minutes is much less than the time it takes for your brain to get the message that you’re full.

So anyway – between my exercise, water intake, and careful attention to how much and what foods I’m eating, I’ve managed to lose about 27 pounds in the last 9 months. Needless to say, this means that most of my clothes don’t fit me any more – including several of the items I bought around Thanksgiving of last year. So I’ve been working on updating my wardrobe. Part of this has been trying to find, buy, or mend some skirts to fit me. I’m planning to take in several of my skirts to make them fit again once I’ve met my goal weight (which I’m about 5-8 pounds away from at this point, depending on how much I can do before June). But in the meantime, I had to do something to get me by. I went and bought two skirts at Target and then I scoured the web for instructions on how to make a skirt. Thus came about my pillowcase skirt.

I found this link online with a picture of a skirt made from a pillowcase and simple instructions. And it just so happens that I have a set of pillowcases we received as a wedding gift that I’ve never even opened because, while I love them, we don’t have any matching sheets and I really hate to use mis-matched bedding. So I pulled one out and dug through my sewing box, finding just enough elastic to make it around my waist. So out came the sewing machine, and what do you know – now I have a new skirt, made from a pillowcase! I used the leftover fabric I cut off the end of the pillowcase and made a matching purse, using a snap closure I’d received from my mom (along with lots of other sewing notions) years ago. It’s nothing amazing if you look closely at the stitching. I know how to do a straight stitch and that’s about it. But from the distance it will normally be viewed from, the skirt (and the purse too) look great. And it didn’t cost me a thing, except my time and the little bit of electricity it took me to run the sewing machine. 🙂

So if you have an old pillowcase you like and a few shirts that go along with it, consider making yourself a pillowcase skirt. They’re fast (I’m really not that great at sewing and I finished mine in about 2 1/2 hours, including the purse and taking care of my 3 kids at the same time) and easy enough for anyone who can sew a straight stitch. And cute too!

There’s this thing called intuition. It is defined by Dictionary.com as "direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process." There are a lot of people who may discount intuition as imagination, but I’m not one of them. I have found in my own life, especially when it comes to my kids and their health, that I rely largely on intuition.

However, in spite of this knowledge, I do find myself too often swayed by the opinions and comments of others whom I perceive to me more experienced, more knowledgeable, or better informed. There have been several very specific instances when I have felt very strongly one way or another about my children’s health and, upon speaking with others (family members, friends, or doctors) I have convinced myself that I worry too much, which is very much the case, and why it is so hard for me to decide when I should do what I feel instead of what others tell me. So instead I let it go without doing anything about it. But in each instance, I haven’t been able to completely let go of the situation until I become persistent enough to overcome the "blow-off" I received from the medical professionals.

Most recently, my son has been ill with a bit of a cold. I’ve thought for the better part of a year now that he has asthma as he has a terrible time talking when he gets sick, he coughs like crazy, and it takes him almost twice as long as the other kids to get over a cold. I’ve mentioned this to his previous family doctor (before we moved), to a clinic doctor on the way out of town the day we moved, and to his current pediatrician, as well as to my husband who happens himself to be a sufferer of asthma. Until we started seeing our current pediatrician, I was always shrugged off by doctors. In fact, I thought I must have been dreaming because until very recently, his dad (remember – he has asthma himself) said to me that he "sounded fine" when I thought he was having an asthma attack. And so here was someone with the disease, telling me that I’m hearing things. And experienced doctors, men who treat children on a daily basis, who were basically ignoring me, because in their office he sounded fine.

Yet I persisted. Not as strongly as I probably should have, but I did persist. And his current pediatrician said to bring him in to the office the next time I thought he was having an attack. And so I’ve been waiting (with mixed emotions, because who really wants their kid to get sick?) for Isaac to get a cold so his breathing could be labored enough for a doctor to recognize his breathing as asthmatic. And this past week, as he started getting a cold, his breathing quickly became labored. He would cough after every few words, and could only manage to get out two words at a time. He would push as hard as he could to get the two words out and then cough and wheeze afterwards. I checked his chest and could see that it was sinking in very deep every time he would attempt to take a breath. The final straw was when, at 9 am he was sitting on the couch, and after coughing he told me "Mommy, I’m really really tired." So off to the phone I went to call the doctor.

I took him in to their office. Answered a bunch of questions. And, to my satisfaction, my son has been diagnosed with viral-induced asthma. As far as I understand this means that when he gets sick (a cold or something like that) his asthma will kick in. Which also explains why he has such a hard time kicking a cold. So he’s on breathing treatments right now, and it has greatly improved.

This is not the only experience I have had with this sort of situation, and I know I’m not alone. A friend of mine told me about her daughter who had no symptoms other than what she called "sick eyes" – a look in the eyes that seemed sick, not anything physically wrong with the eyes – and after much convincing she was able to determine that her daughter had a parasite.

The moral of this story is this: to all you parents out there who have a feeling something is wrong with your kids, but people keep brushing you off or telling you you’re making it up, don’t give in to them until you are personally satisfied that you were actually wrong. Don’t believe for a second that some expert (in my case, medical doctors – experts in medicine, or my husband who I would consider very knowledgeable in asthma) are experts on your children. I am the one who is the expert on my kids. I’m the one they spend almost all their waking hours with. I’m the one who hears how they sound when they’re healthy, and the one who can predict a fever even when their temperature doesn’t register high on the thermometer. I know my kids better than anyone else does, and just because someone has more experience with children, medicine, or a disease doesn’t make them an expert on your children and what is normal for them. So don’t be swayed by the opinions of others. Listen to your instincts, follow your intuition, and stick up for your kids. They often don’t know how to verbalize what they are feeling, and certainly can’t force adults to do what they need. So take action, and make yourself heard!

Isaac is potty trained! We did the training (see this post) yesterday and he really did a very good job. All said and done, the training took about 5 hours with about a 45 minute break for lunch. We’re certainly not accident-free yet as we’re here on day 2, but after the training was finished yesterday he had 2 wet accidents, and then today he had no wet accidents and 1 dirty accident. So we’re making good progress, and he does decide by himself that he needs to go to the bathroom and runs in and goes all on his own with no help or prompting from anyone. It is wonderful – my only job for the next week or so is to ask him if his underwear is clean and dry several times a day and then making sure he cleans up his messes and practices when he has an accident. After that we’re home free. Isaac is very proud when he keeps his underwear clean and dry.

As a bit of humor to add to this wonderful event, Isaac and Daddy peed together yesterday, and after they came back Isaac told me that he and Daddy both peed in the potty together. And he said "But Daddy’s pee-pee thing is bigger, huh!" To which Mommy and Daddy both stifled our laughter and said that yes, Daddy’s was bigger but that when Isaac grows up to be big like Daddy then his "pee-pee thing" will be big like Daddy’s. That made Isaac pretty happy. 🙂

My next big project, and the one I have been dreading for about the last 6 months or so, is potty training. My son is going to be 3 in May and he is still in diapers. He will be starting preschool in the fall and they, of course, require that he be potty trained completely – no pull-ups allowed. So I have a deadline imposed by the school, on top of my self-imposed deadline of his third birthday. I have always been of the opinion that 3 years old is too old for diapers for my children.

So, in typical Christine-fashion, I have a book. Toilet Training in Less than a Day. Works pretty well. This is how I potty trained my oldest when it was time. She had just turned 2 when I potty trained her. So I’m a year behind and feeling the pressure on this next one. But, I have taken the time to re-read the book, and as soon as I’ve been to the store to buy training pants I think we’ll be set. Then I just need a morning without the rest of the family around (which means it has to be a Saturday so Daddy can babysit) and for him to be feeling well (he’s had a nasty cold for the past week or so) and we’ll be ready to go.

I say I’ve been dreading it, and mostly that is because I know myself and I get way too frustrated way too easily when things don’t go exactly the way I have planned. But I’m sure it will be fine, as long as I can remember to keep my cool. I’ve been working on that (see this post) and hopefully I’ll be a little better at the whole frustration/anger issue this time around. I think Isaac will take to this fairly well, and really in about a week or two after I finally make myself potty train him it will all be done and over with and I’ll be down to one child in diapers (hurray!!!) which will be a welcome change. I’ll be sure and post when we’re finished.

I love my kids. They are creative, interesting, curious, fun, happy, smart, cute, and a whole host of other wonderful things. They bring me joy and happiness. They give me comfort and hope. They are wonderful people, and I have great hopes for them as adults.

That said, there are some times when I wonder what on EARTH I was thinking when I decided having children was a good idea. Having children is the single most trying experience I have ever had, and continue to have every day. They test my patience, push my buttons, expect me to drop everything and fulfill their every whim, and are generally thankless about the whole process. Not only that – these children are also a constant source of worry and stress. They have caused me endless hours of pain and distress. And my oldest is only 5. Amazing what an impact these little people have on me!

And what an impact I have on them.

It dawned on me recently that there is something about my parenting technique (namely, anger or frustration) that is not a good influence on my children. Now don’t get me wrong – there is a time and a place for anger directed at children. But when it becomes the general response to my child’s unwillingness to obey or their slow response time when I call, it is not being used effectively. And unfortunately, overuse of anger (as in anything) dulls its effectiveness, and before long the anger has to be stepped up a notch before it makes an impact.

And so I have finally, after 5 years of parenting, begun to take a look at what I’m doing and evaluate its effectiveness. And I’m sorry to say that I fear a large part of the last 5 years needs to be un-taught to those little minds and ears that absorb everything I say and do. Because while I am a happy, sweet, loving person when my children obey, I have not taken the same approach to their discipline. I admit it – I’m a yeller. And yelling doesn’t do anything good for these little people.

So I have begun what I usually do when I want to learn something – reading. I checked out a few books from the library and I’ve read them and started applying the lessons I learned. And it has been AMAZING the difference in my household. I have so much more time now to be happy and play with my kids. I am less drained at the end of my day. I don’t dread the morning of the next day in anticipation of my husband leaving for work. My children have become more willing to obey me and more pleasant to be around. And when they aren’t, I’m more in control of myself and the house doesn’t erupt like a volcano.

So what changed? I’m not doing anything miraculous or spectacular. But there were a few key things I have started doing. I read 1-2-3 Magic and learned that my response to disobedience was causing more problems than the disobedience itself. The no-talking and no-emotion rules have saved me literally HOURS of tantrums and yelling (on my part and the kids’) over the last two weeks since I read it. I also read Parenting with Love and Logic and learned that while it may be easier for me to tell my kids what to do and then make them do it, it is wiser for me to suggest to them that something needs to be done and let them choose for themselves to accomplish it, on their own schedule (within my set time frame, of course). They have been given a choice in their lives, more so than they had before. And it is amazing the way they have responded to these two things.

Now in my defense, I may have made myself out to be much worse than I really am. I’m a good mom. My kids and I get along pretty well, without any serious problems. But now I’m beginning to feel like I’m learning how to help my kids learn to be responsible for themselves, how to be courteous to others, and most of all I’m setting an example of love and sympathy in spite of their occasional unwillingness to do the things they have been asked. And it has made all the difference.

For anyone out there who has children, if you feel you may be struggling with them and discipline or responsibility, I’d highly suggest you read these two books. 1-2-3 Magic is a step-by-step for discipline that (amazingly, considering how simple it is) works like a charm. And Parenting with Love and Logic is a great theory and attitude book, with lots of examples of real application. It opens up all sorts of things I’d never considered in my parenting. And while it may not be as easy (right now, in the short term) as telling them what to do and making them do it or (*sigh*) doing it for them, I do think in the long run it will be better for them and for me. So if your kids are out of hand and your discipline doesn’t work, read these books. If your kids are small and you haven’t really even started dealing with the discipline aspect of their lives yet, read these books. You’ll start out right and save yourself the years of unhappiness and dread that I spent before I found these books.

Good luck, all you parents. We have a huge responsibility to teach our children how to function in this world. It’s our job to show them how to be responsible, caring, self-motivated, collected individuals. And we can do it, with a little learning and a lot of faith.

Valentine’s Day. The holiday of love. I’ve always felt Valentine’s Day to be a flower holiday. And that has always caused me a bit of trouble, from the time I was old enough to have a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. It’s not so much that it caused a problem for me receiving the flowers on that special February day. Certainly not an issue there – I’ll take flowers any day of the year without complaint, as I’m sure most women will. The problem arises as rose-day approaches and I begin, yet again, to wonder what to give my significant other on Valentine’s Day.

I have tried (and failed) many times to think of a good "manly" Valentine’s Day gift. From time to time, I did manage to come up with a good idea or two, while still respecting the flower-ness of the holiday. Candy roses (most often chocolate) were an ok choice. Still better were the cookie bouquets, though even those can seem a bit, well, girly what with the hearts and all. Most often I would opt for the edible flower-type gifts, and that would satisfy my desire to give flowers on the great flower holiday, while attempting to save my husband from endless ridicule from his buddies at work. But I have lately begun to be conscious of health issues, specifically of losing weight, and my husband is attempting (in his own way) to do the same. So of course this year presented an additional challenge to me in my search for the acceptable Valentine’s Day gift.

So as I stewed on what I could possibly give my husband that would approach flower-like and yet still not add to his waistline, I happened upon the idea of a necktie bouquet. So I set to finding a good example of how to make such a thing. I’m surprised to say I never did find a single mention of a "necktie bouquet" anywhere on the wide internet, in my hour or so of searching. This is possibly because I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for, but also possibly because nobody has been desperate enough (as I was this year) for something like this. So no how-to was found. I was left to my own devices.

In spite of the lack of instruction and very small amount of time I had left (I finally came up with this idea the day before Valentine’s Day) I did manage to pull off a fairly acceptable version of a bouquet of half-dozen roses, made from neckties. I’m proud to say the whole thing cost me less than $40, about what I would have expected to pay for a decent flower bouquet or even a cookie bouquet. And this will (hopefully) even satisfy my husband’s recent desire for new ties for the next several months or so. Dried roses don’t hold a candle to a necktie when it comes to usefulness. And of course you can’t beat the low-maintenance necktie bouquet – requires no watering or pruning, and never dies. Can be reconstructed at any time, if so desired.

Here is a picture. And of course the color of the "roses" will depend upon the color of the necktie.